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Some Memories

Bianca’s Arrival 23/2/92
I recall her mother feeling contractions, started preparing for the trip to hospital, having a quick bath & while getting out the bath her water breaking. This sent us into a panic spin as Bianca was “Breach” head first, the chance of her head being caught in the “Cord”. I rushed them to Westville hospital where it was decided to do a “C”section as baby’s head was tangled in the cord.

Fortunately we had our Gynaecologist, Brenner, Paediatrician, Stiles all in attendance, they did a great job & we soon were holding Bainca in our arms. I watched the whole procedure & swore that I couldn’t let Tersja go through that again.

My Baby Daughter
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Stylish

Bianca had her own dress style & preferred dressing herself and choosing her clothes to wear. She loved frilly dressers & hats, always looking immaculate & so cute. She was a quite child preferring to keep herself entertained. Like her siblings well behaved & never a problem, a|”Dream” child.

 I once took her to work  & was very proud of her turnout, looking so Elegant & Beautiful, feeling so proud I just had to treat her, so I took her to lunch afterwards. She loved playing cricket & a few other sports but enjoyed cricket the most.

School Years

At school she soon discovered everyone was not like her loyal, kind , caring & truthful, that some are manipulative, deceptive & abusive. It was sad seeing a few of her friends turn on her like some do. Things got harder in high School with the girls abusing her, making life extremely difficult for her, she was always depressed or sad & hated High School.

school stuff
Westville Girls high School
Memory

 

2Yrs Old

When Bianca was about 2 years old, Tersja went through to the bedroom & discovered Bianca had stopped breathing, once getting her breathing, we rushed her to hospital where after examining her & doctor unable to find any thing wrong we took Bianca home but kept a vigil eye on her for the whole night & following days. As she got older we started relaxing but always kept the incident in mind as it was very traumatic and we had heard a lot regarding “baby cot deaths”.

While still around 2 or 4 she had gone missing, leading the family franticly searching for her around the house & property finally feeling she had been kidnapped, about 2 hour later I found her asleep behind one of the large couches in the main lounge. It was extremely emotional, relief plus other emotions.

Dancing

She loved dancing & would often, along with her baby brother drag me along to watch her & him dance around the glass coffee table in the main lounge with glee. She along with her mother attended her Aunt Amanda’s wedding were she learnt the then popular chicken dance. Tersja told me upon their return that all attending were most impressed with her. While in her teens her & her mother joined |”belly dancing”.

Belly dance
teenager

As a Teenager

As she entered her Teenage years she was diagnosed as bipolar, this was traumatic for every one as we were gripped by panic unaware of how to handle it nor how to help her cope with it. The psychologists, Groups ect that I in my Panic reached out to, could not provide much especially any comfort nor information that I found helpful. I bought a few books & shared it with my family as to enlighten them. I franticly sort help every where but found none. I will never forget those that I approached nor their responses as it is etched in my mind. I even took people that had experience with bipolar to lunch in the hope of learning how they coped & the medications.

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Siblings

She was a great sister & very close to her baby brother spending time mostly with him probably because the others were much older but she had great respect & LOVE for them. She held her big sister in high regard although they would have their conflicts like most siblings. She would like dressing up in her sisters High-heals & occasionally clothes or make-up. This was a great irritation to her big sister. I think Bianca wanted to be like her sister.

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Regards to Work

She did an apprenticeship with 2 top Hair salons – Rolph Offerman & Terry Scott both recognised her talent & she was doing well , wining one competition. Then her meds started affecting her, causing her hands to tremble making it impossible to cut & style hair. She then learnt that she could not have children which was her greatest dream, so the meds stole all her dreams. The meds then caused her to have spasms also, collapsing but she accepted all of this, persevering continuing always trying not allowing herself to stop trying. She never gave up & stay home, always finding different jobs, always enthusiastically trying. She loved working with children especially entertaining them.

 

The Drama

I often had to rush to where she would be working as to her having spasms, often getting there before the ambulance which had been called for her. I was always afraid of her being seriously hurt while this was happening and wished she would stay home where I could keep an eye on her. But she kept finding jobs, always working. There is much more I could tell but recalling these memories are extremely painful. I needed to explain why although I am proud of all my children & have learnt a lot from each & every one of them & their qualities, Bianca was exceptional, most of my heart died with her,I am truly humbled by her great strength courage, resilience & kind caring while enduring such pain. I can only imagine what she could have achieved if not for bipolar. It helps that part of her last words were to tell me that she loves me.

My greatest regret being that I was unable to provide for her needs nor give her a happier & more comfortable life. She never complained & was grateful for anything regardless even a cheap pop cycle/sweet. She never asked for much but gave so much especially love & kindness. I was truly blessed & Humbled to call her my daughter. I shall always feel that I could have done more , should have done more, I know that I could have done more.